10 Things You’d Never Hear Again if You Had a 125-Foot Orange in Your Mouth

We heard from many of you after the last blog when we compared Dry Eye to having a 125-foot orange in your mouth. We guessed that nobody would tell you a sip of water would help wash it down.

That got us thinking. Could there be other things you’d never hear again if you had a 125-foot orange in your mouth?


10 Things You’d Never Hear Again if You Had a 125-foot Orange in Your Mouth

In fact, it took literally no time to come up with more – 10 things you’d never hear again from your families, your friends, and your doctors if you had a 125-foot orange in your mouth.

Here they are, in no particular order.

1. At least you don’t have cancer

The word “cancer” really gets everyone going. Yes, in lots of cases it’s a horrible disease that can be fatal. But there are lots of different kinds of cancer, and some are very treatable. Regardless, can you imagine anyone saying “at least you don’t have cancer” if they saw you walking down the street with a 125-foot orange in your mouth? We couldn’t either.

2. You’ll learn to live with it

We can’t joke around about this when we know people who have committed suicide because of the pain in the eyes. Others become disabled, unable to work, unable to perform simple daily tasks. So no, some of us will never “learn to live with it.” And like some cancers, Dry Eye can cause death.

Charlie Brown Balloon measures just 53′ x 31′ x 46′

But that orange, no one is ever going to say you’ll learn to live with something that big in your mouth. Heck, the Charlie Brown balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is just 53 feet long, 31 feet wide, and 46 feet tall.

Your orange is way bigger than that.

3. It’s all in your head

No-o-o-o-o-o-o, it’s not all in our heads. It’s all in our eyes.

And in the case of the 125-foot orange, it’s all in our mouths. Enough said!

4. But your face looks good

As if the only time your eyes might feel bad is when they’re red or swollen or something other than clear and bright. Macular degeneration anyone? But with a 125-foot orange in your mouth we’re pretty sure there’s going to be some distortion to your face and nobody’s going to think your face looks good. Nobody.

5. You can’t possibly have a 125-pound orange in your mouth

The worst thing is when nobody believes what you’re feeling in your eyes.

But the orange – there it is – all 125 juicy feet. Now, doc, please DO SOMETHING!

6. I don’t know what it is so I’ll call it neuropathy

Neuropathy seems to be the new catchall “disease” diagnosed by a variety of specialists these days. Ocular neuropathy is extremely rare, yet there’s a trend these days to attribute chronic Dry Eye symptoms to neuropathy. But is it neuropathy or is it, in fact, a case of inadequate diagnosis or misdiagnosis? Because in the eyes – with that high concentration of nerves – something exceedingly small that can’t be easily detected – can still feel significant.

But, if you had a 125-foot orange in your mouth, chances are the doctor wouldn’t call it neuropathy. Instead, he’d say something useful like, “Your problem is that you have a 125-foot orange in your mouth.”

7. I don’t see anything in there

The next word out of the doctor’s mouth will be “neuropathy.” (See number 6 above). But there really is an underlying issue here.

Let’s first take a short quiz.

10 Things You’d Never Hear Again if You Had a 125-Foot Orange in Your Mouth

Question: What are the three most important things in real estate?

Answer: Location, location, location, in that order.

Question: What are the three most important things in engineering?

Answer: Drainage, drainage, drainage, in that order.

Question: What are the three most important things in medicine?

Answer: Diagnosis, diagnosis, diagnosis, in that order.

Unsurprisingly, that 125-foot orange makes diagnosis real easy.

8. Your tests results are all negative

See number 7 above.

Signs (exam and test results) and symptoms (what you feel) often don’t coincide for Dry Eye patients.

But that 125-foot orange probably wouldn’t even warrant any medical tests. It’s just that obvious.

9. You might have symptoms, but there are no signs of disease

Really doctor? Maybe you need to sharpen your diagnostic skills, because Dry Eye patients can feel extreme pain and discomfort, even when there are no signs of disease.

But who could miss a 125-foot orange in anyone’s mouth. That’s unmistakable, although it would be pretty shocking.

10. Don’t they have drops for that?

No, they don’t have drops for what many of us have. And they don’t have drops, or prescribe drinks of water, to get 125-foot oranges out of people’s mouths either.

So next time someone says something to you about how good your eyes look, or that what you’re feeling is all in your head, or that you’re lucky you don’t have cancer, or whatever other nonsense you here all the time, you might try telling them about the 125-foot orange. Maybe it will change their mind.

Send your questions and comments to blogger@notadryeye.org.

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